InsaneJournal

Current mood:

emo

I'm feeling kinda mood-swing-y. Normally, I'm an upbeat, chipper person. Randomly, for the past few months, I've been hitting terrible lows. I just want to cry all the time, and nothing makes me feel better.

Today, for example, was pretty good all around. Drove Mom to the radiologist's office so she could get an MRI done, then to her office so she could put in a few hours of work. Nothing bad happened. However, come 7pm, I'm feeling depressed and want to cry. Trying to figure it all out makes me feel worse, and I start questioning all of it. The big questions, y'know? What's it all about, why am I here, will I ever be productive, do I really have any talent? Or am I really just wasting my time (and everyone else's) with my crappy drawings?

I think I may hate talented people, just because things seem so much easier for them. I wish I could string together something coherently linear, but every comic idea I have goes nowhere. I just can't stay with something long enough to make it work.

Possibly the worst part is that I know what I want to draw, but can't (that's a physical can't) translate it onto the paper. So, instead, I draw Mary-Sues and sponge other artist's styles because I'm not original or dynamic enough in my own.

I hurt all the time. I cry for no reason. I can't even pin down what makes me feel happy. Not even video games make me happy right now. I just don't know anything anymore. I want the confusion to end. I'm tired of it, of everything.

I just wish that life were easy. Or at least, easier. As it is, I think the world will end before I'm a productive member of society.