Date:	Wednesday, 9th February 2011 (@) 23:40pm
Subject:	HEY YOU.
Security:	Public
Mood:	loved

Yeah, you. There, on the other side of the screen. I'm talking to you.

I wanna tell you something that I'm not sure I've said ever before: I love you. I love you for being you, through thick and thin. I love your flaws and faults because they make you human. I love that you're in my life, because I'm a better person for having known you. So, I love you, man. And I'm not even asking for your Bud Light.

Date:	Sunday, 2nd January 2011 (@) 01:27am
Subject:	Some thoughts on astrology
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

There are a great many people who read their horoscope religiously. I'll say right off the bat, I'm not one of them. I do, however, believe that there's a certain amount of truth in astrology. Looking at traits my birth signs (pisces/boar- good combo, right?) are supposed to have, I find myself ticking off the mental checklist.

I do know that I trust easily, am fiercely loyal, a crybaby, more than a little carefree, messy, etcetera, but have I always had these traits, or were they something I picked up from reading what my mood and life was supposed to look like? This is one of the problems with growing up in a magical household; because I was introduced to the concept at an early age, I don't know which way the influence worked. Was it nature of the signs? Or was it a subconsious effort to be more like the textbook examples?

Anyone else want to chime in with their thoughts?

Date:	Monday, 29th November 2010 (@) 16:07pm
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

Hello again, dear reader.

I know, it's not even been two weeks since I wrote last, but I've been feeling so good, I just had to share with you.

For the first time in over two years, I weigh less than 320 lbs. That's right, under 320. This means that I've lost about 5 pounds by doing aerobics for 20-25 minutes a day for almost two weeks. Almost two weeks with Thanksgiving in the midst. I believe the phrase is, "A-boo-ya."

Pardon my gloating, but this is really big news for me. If I can keep at this, with this pace, I may meet my goal of size 24 by my birthday.

In related news, the Sib has been able to get on Wii Fit and do some exercises, thanks to a little cheating. Did you know that if you're over the weight limit on Wii Fit, you can fool the system by folding up a blanket and sticking it under the board? Of course, you'll have to remove the foot cups, if you use them.

Thanks to a new feature on Wii Fit Plus, I'm clearly seeing the results of not just the workout, but my daily routine. If I eat too much junk, my waist size goes up. When I'm careful about what I eat, and remember proper portioning, etc, my waist drops about half an inch per day. I think this is awesome. I know the idea has been around since the advent of dieting, but being able to keep it all electronically in one place (and on a graph, no less!) makes it so much easier for me to keep track.

Since I missed writing about it earlier, Thanksgiving was nice. I barely cooked, which is a change from the past few years. I only mashed the potatoes. We had a small turkey breast, a ham, mashed potatoes, home made dressing, green bean casserole, fresh cranberry sauce, brown and serve rolls, and our customary three pies: pumpkin for dad, Dutch apple for the Sib, and pecan for mom and myself. All in all, very tasty.

Oh, as you may know, I have a thing about rodents. I hate them with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. Well, I think I have one in my room, which means I'm sleeping with headphones until I can't anymore. Early this morning, I smelled (smelt?) one of my very distinct cherry Halls cough drops. I haven't used any in my room for a couple of weeks, so this was unnerving, to say the least. If it was a rodent stealing my cough drops, I hope it gets sick and dies a horrible death, but leaves its mortal remains somewhere I can find them and dispose of them properly.

I'll likely write again soon, so be well until then.

Date:	Thursday, 18th November 2010 (@) 10:16am
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sore

Hello, dear reader. I hope this finds you well. I'd like to talk today about exercise.

I busted open our copy of Wii Fit Plus two days ago, and have been getting back in the habit of doing (at least) half an hour each day.

There are some new features that I adore: the ability to create a routine, daily waist measurement better track physical progress, and of course, new activities. What I don't like is the lack of aerobic options in the routine menu. I was going to create one to do daily, with a focus of calorie burn, but the only categories available are yoga and strength training. Oh, well. I suppose I'll just keep doing what I've been doing all along: yoga warm-up, then as many of the aerobic games as I can do without exhausting myself, then a cool down.

Of the new activities, I like rhythm kung-fu the best. It's a good follow up to rhythm boxing, and quickly becoming my favourite activity. I also really like the chicken game, where you flap your arms and lean to fly from platform to platform, but it's very tiring. The Segway race game is fun, but hard on the calves/shins.

Most of the new balance games are really easy for me, but I like that there's an increased focus on mental agility as well as physical. For instance, there's a new activity called "Tilt World," or something similar, where the player has to tilt both body and Wiimote to get coloured marbles into their colour-coded pipes. A little tricky, but fairly easy, even when multiple marbles are coming down. Another new activity is called "Perfect 10," where the player is surrounded by pinball bumpers with numbers on them. The object is to shake your hips to whichever set of bumpers will add to the target number- easiest is 10, the next is 15, and the hardest is 20. A bit more tricky than simply tilting, it requires literally thinking on your feet.

So far, other than getting muscles used to being used again, and having more energy in general, I haven't really noticed any change. Of course, it's only been three days, and it's ridiculous to assume that I'll see an immediate change. My weight is fluctuating slightly, and I'm up ~2 lbs from yesterday. That'll teach me to ask for two kinds of potatoes with my fried chicken. Oh, well. I knew it was a risk, and I went through with it anyway. No one to blame but myself, and lesson learned.

I'll try to eat healthier from here on out, something I've been working on since last year. I've cut out sodas, for the most part, and drink pretty much only water. The most important aspect of this, I think, is to limit my portions, and not eat after 9 pm anymore. Too many nights, I wind up scavenging through the kitchen because I think I'm hungry.

I'd like to be a size 24 before my birthday, but that's going to take a lot of work. Wish me luck, because I'll need it.

Date:	Saturday, 6th November 2010 (@) 06:37am
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

Sleep will not come to this tired body now
Peace will not come to this lonely heart

-Smashing Pumpkins, "In the Arms of Sleep"

In other words, it's been another sleepless night. I'm not sure what's wrong, but I just can't get to sleep, and now I'm wondering if I should even try.

Well, dear reader, since we're here, let me catch you up. I dropped out of Spring quarter earlier this year because of health issues. I am planning on returning, but need to secure funding for the endeavour. I may have to sit out Winter quarter also, because I was a few days late sending in my Financial Aid worksheet. If that's what happens, that's what happens. In the meantime, back to job hunting. I know what I'd like to do, but it's unlikely I'll be hired for it, so I need to lower my personal standards. I don't want to go back into food service if I can avoid it, because that was literally the worst year I ever spent at any job.

Been making some progress on learning Japanese. I can recognise a handful of the basic kanji, and have my hirigana alphabet down almost pat (a bit out of practice). Not so great with the katakana alphabet, but I'm working (slowly) on the remedy for that. What I'd really like are a few of the blank books for practising writing. I learn well from repetition, though I know not everyone is the same.

I have two fish now, as of July(?). Both are Bettas, I'm sure I've written about Frederic-without-a-"k" before. As a refresher, Frederic is a royal blue veil tail. His new-ish BFF is Mabel-also-without-a-"k," or Mabel for short. Yes, Mabel is a boy. No, I don't care that he never gets called by masculine pronouns. It's not as if he's using his equipment anyway. Mabel is a white (with tinges of pink and yellow) delta tail. Absolutely gorgeous. They're both quite happy to swim around their bowls and flare up at each other.

The last portion of August, and most of September, was spent house-sitting. The Sib and I watched so much anime, it's not really even funny. The truly sad part is that we barely made a dent in the unwatched pile. We're so behind on everything. We did finally watch the epic Gurren Lagann, though, and some other cool stuff.

I'd like to go on record here and mention that I LOVE Oh!Great. We rewatched Tenjou Tenge, and I finished reading it. We watched Air Gear, and I'm caught up on that, too. Whatever weakness he has in storytelling, he definitely makes up for with artwork.

I continued drawing like a drawing thing until September or so, when I put down my sketchbooks and pencils for a break. I've picked them back up in the last couple of days, to try and nail down some more character designs, but still not much worth sharing. If anyone is interested in what I have uploaded, check my deviantArt account: laceyleopard.

Late last month, or possibly only halfway through, my quilt was excavated from the dining table that is a catch-all any time but Winter. As a result, I've taken back up the project, and am making good progress on it. The actual quilting is done, and roughly 1/4 of the hemming is done. I've fallen in love with Coates and Clark hand quilting thread. It rarely knots, and every (unintentional) knot I've had, I've been able to undo. Magical thread. Awesome stuff.

I've realised recently that I haven't changed my calendar since July. I really should.

I have kept up with Twitter, sort of. I only really tweet when I'm bored, so not often. About half of my tweets have been from the local-ish Little Caesar's. I do the occasional photo there, though, if you have a hankering to see what I see.

Well, I hope to write again soon, dear reader, but we all know how well that will likely work.

Until next time,
your loving host.

Hello again, dear readers. It's been quite a while since we chatted last, hasn't it? Then again, it hasn't been even three months. Perhaps I'm better at keeping in contact than I thought.

Shall we catch up a bit, then?

First things first, Winter quarter has finished for me. I passed two of my three classes, and have a good feeling about this next quarter. Indeed, I am registered and ready to start again. Classes resume on Monday, and I'll be sitting with the Sib for half of my courses.

Middle Sib and her husband spawned an adorable creature than I call "Little Bit" a mere three days before my birthday. Finally, a positive thing in March. XD
As soon as the quarter was finished, I packed up the Sib and headed over the mountains to visit with the new one. Got to hold her twice in the three, almost four days we were there, and I'm a bit saddened by that. I mean, I drove all the way over there to see the niece, and didn't even get to change her. The Sib also held her twice.

The next big event after Little Bit was born was my birthday. It was pleasant, even though I was sick with the plague and dying. I stayed dying for the next two/three weeks. I got better, of course. Got the new Gorillaz album, that came out in the US on the Bit's birthday. It's sexy. I'm eagerly looking forward to P-Sides, or whatever they call the B-Sides collection. And the Phase 3 DVD should be awesome.

Besides these, I've been drawing like a thing possessed. Nothing worth sharing with people not in the know.

Saw How to Train your Dragon. That was so fun, I saw it twice. I adore the twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut.

Oh, started a Twitter: passivestalker (go figure). Follow me there for really random updates. More frequent than here, though, so if you really want to see my brain in action (inaction), go ahead and follow. It's cool, I won't mind.

Date:	Friday, 8th January 2010 (@) 09:24am
Subject:	Dear asshole who rear-ended us on the way to school...
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

I knew you would be trouble when you tried to zoom around us to get into the turn lane. There was so much space, and you just had to move over and start speeding up when I put on my signal. Amazingly, you did let us over, but I wasn't sure that I had space with how fast you insisted on going while we were trying to merge.

The real problem started when I noticed the light changing. Having been in driver's ed. more recently than you, I can imagine that my knowledge of traffic safety is much more up to date than your's. Since there was plenty of time for us to come to a stop before the light changed, I did so. That's when it happened: you slammed on your brakes and skidded into us because you were a) following too closely for the road conditions- wet and slick roads require more following distance than you allowed, and b) weren't paying attention to your surroundings. The second became obvious when you exited your car to look at the damage, and I saw the bluetooth headset attached to your ear.

What bothers me is the fact that you offered no help. Instead, said, "There's not damage to your bumper, but what were you thinking!?" Still trying to stave off shock so I could make sure the Sib was okay, I rolled down my window to reply, "The light was yellow, that means slow down, asshole," and rolled back up the window. And I'm right. Yellow lights mean slow down and come to a stop, unless there is no way you can stop before the light changes.

I could have gotten out fo the car and yelled at you. I like to think I'm a reasonable person, so all I did was remove myself from the argument by rolling up the window. There was no reason to back up traffic or come to blows, which it may well have done if I'd exited the car. The light cycled through, and we were able to turn.

Thankfully, you weren't following us up the hill to the college itself, but I'm genuinely hurt by the fact you assume the handicap placard in the car was mine, or that it is in any way related to my weight. Your parting shot of, "Lose the weight and you'll lose the sticker," was uncalled for, and the straw the broke the camel's back. Rather, in this case, the thing that broke the Sib's already shattered psyche.

Since you don't know us personally, you don't know that we've been dealing with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) for the past three years, brought on by a particularly nasty crash that totalled my car. You also don't know that the handicap placard belongs, in fact, to my father, a disabled veteran. You don't know that I was driving that car because my own has a leaky roof. In short, there's a lot you don't know about us, and I feel sorry for you. It's more than you deserve. I hope that someday you're in the same situation from our side. I want you to be rear-ended by a self-rightous ass who not only sets off trauma flashbacks, but also makes you feel shitty about yourself.

If I were able to replay the event with a cool head, I would have exited the car and told you exactly what I'm thinking now: I was thinking that since there's ample time to stop before the light changes to red, I should do so. I'm also thinking that you should pay better attention to road conditions, and increase your following distance so this doesn't happen again. Furthermore, I'm thinking you should apologise for rear-ending us because you're at fault here, and you've set off my sister's PTSD. Finally, I think you stop picking on people half your age for being safe drivers. I don't care if insulting us makes you feel better about yourself, it makes you an asshole to me. And assholes are full of shit. Think about that one, mister I'm in such a hurry that I run red lights.

I'm really upset by these procedings, and more upset that I missed a day of class because of it. So, fuck you. Fuck you right in the ear. I hope you die in a nasty, fiery car crash, because I'm sure you'll cause plenty more.

Sincerely,
The girl in the maroon Chevy Cobalt whose lisence plat you dented.

Hello again, faithful readers.

It's been a while, and a lot has happened since I wrote you last. October finished with a bang: the Sib and I headed across the mountains to spend Halloween with the pregnant Middle Sib. We spent the weekend there with her, the brother in law, and a few friends. Only a couple trick-or-treaters, but more than we would've had at home.

November started off busy, and stayed that way. The first weekend (11/7) was the wedding of BFF's brother and his girlfriend. It was a lovely service, and I didn't even get lost on the way to the church. The Friday before that (11/6) was Middle Sib's birthday, but we held off celebrating until she came over the second weekend for the baby shower. Being pregnant, she doesn't travel well.
Second weekend (11/14) was the baby shower, which went off without a hitch. There was some problems with making a reservation- our house is not big enough or clean enough for that many people, and it's very out of the way and a little hard to get to if you don't know where you're going. Apparently, Olive Garden doesn't accept reservations on weekends. So we headed down there and I explained what was going on to the manager, and they put us in a closed-door room. It only took 20 minutes. Brother in law's dad, step-mom and sister came up from AZ to share in the festivities.
The next big event was Thanksgiving. For the first year in several, we didn't have Middle Sib with us (not enough money to make the trip across the mountains), so the house seemed emptier. We had a couple of friends over to bring some merriment. It was fun.
Things were fairly quiet for the next two weeks. We concentrated on getting things ready for the Winter holidays, and got registered for the next quarter at school. Mom and Dad went to CA to visit with Mom's family, and for Great Grandma's 100th birthday. The Sib and I would have gone down, but she was finishing the Fall quarter of classes, and couldn't miss any more days, especially during finals week. So she finished classes while the parents were out of town.
The next weekend was the parents' anniversary, and was spent cleaning the house and buying presents. Presents were made, wrapped and stowed by the TV until Yule. During this time, I took a break from ACS, as I was crazy-busy.
The tree was put up, but not decorated until the day before Yule. The ornaments for this year still haven't been baked, as I'm missing the mini screw hooks for their heads. Without those, it's difficult to attach them to the tree.
On Yule, the presents were opened, and everyone had a good haul. Later in the week, we had a visit from the Sib's Twin, before she headed to San Diego. She got part of her present, and the rest will be given when she gets home. We also cut/bleached her hair.
Yesterday was new phone day, so we tripped to the Verizon store and picked out the phones we'll have for the next two years. I got a BlackBerry Curve, and have been figuring out how to use it for the past day. I think I have all the functions I want/need now.
After the Verizon store, the Sib and I headed to the bank to deposit her check and go school shopping, since classes start next Monday for us. That's right, dear reader, I'm headed back to school to make something of myself. I've been out of work for almost two years, and I think having a degree will definitely help me in the long run. I'm still a lot confused on what I'm doing, and am a bit nervous, too, but this quarter's tuition is paid, so I better make use of it.

I've also been talking with a couple of people that I'll eventually meet up with in person. They're neat, friendly and somewhat close-by. I'm excited about it, really. I don't really make friends easily in person, so meeting over the internet works better for me. I feel like I can be more myself online...it's weird.

Anyway, dear reader, that's all that's going on with me right now. Until I write again, au revoir. :)

Date:	Wednesday, 21st October 2009 (@) 22:48pm
Subject:	Something from several years ago (2003)
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

2003:

[name] Megan Mitchell, but occasionally Lacey Parker. Sometimes also Duckie, munky and very rarely Maire
[location] The Boonies (Duvall) King County, WA, USA, North America, Terra, Sol 3, Milky Way Galaxy,
[eye color] Blue
[height] somewhere between 5'9" and 6'0"
[heritage] Scots-Irish, Welsh, French, German, Cherokee, Creek and probably the other 50 varieties as well.
[last cd I listened to] Follow the Leader by KoRN
[artist i have the most albums of] Not quite sure, I think its Presidents of the United States of America, but it could be Smashing Punmpkins
[last time i turned on the radio] I don't turn on the radio. Other people do before I get there.
[last place i drove to] Woodinville and back
[last holiday i took] Ummm...Christmas? I s'pose that counts.
[most beautiful place i've ever been to] home
[country i would never want to visit] a plague-ridden dirty one, but I can't think of any off the top of my head
[worst roommate] nyself
[most paranoid about] being abandonned
[the person i tell the juicy stuff to first] Gana
[best online friend] prolly Tom
[number of jackets i own] a lot
[type of car i wish i had] something with four wheels and an engine, I suspect. I'm not too picky, I just don't have a car right now. Hybrid would be nice, though.
[dream job] Ancient Artifact Recovery Specialist (Grave Robber/archeaologist)
[fave lip gloss or chapstick] key lime unpetroleum jelly
[last kiss] I don't remember
[fave pen] Right now, my two in one pencil and pen
[countries i have been to] Canada, US, Mexico.
[other languages I know phrases in] French, Japanese, Russian, English (as oppsed to American)
[other language I would love to learn] Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, English, Italian, German, Greek

Hi, I'm still alive.

Cold passed. I'm healthy-ish again.

Middle sib's baby shower is on November 14. It'll be fun, I think. 15 people on the guest list, and invites are going in the mail today.

BFF Panda's little brother is getting married the week before. I'm hoping to go to the wedding, and have recieved my invite. I need to see if anyone else is interested in going with me so I can send the RSVP card in. Gorgeous stationary, by the way.

The Sib has gone back to school, but changed schools. She's now at the voc-tech that Middle Sib almost got her degree from. The Sib is working toward a degree in computer support, and is taking three classes right now to get the core learning out of the way: Psychology 101, Math 90, Public Speaking 220. Once she has those out of the way, she can focus on the degree-specific courses.

I'm considering going back to school. Shock and amazement, I know. I really think I can do well in the college setting, though. It's amazing to think about, considering my longstanding stance of "school and I don't mix." I'm thinking either the beauty school or drafting.

Spending a lot of time on a particular forum these days: Animal Crossing Community. The people are nice, for the most part. I have a "job" for Animal Crossing, which is kinda cool because it keeps me playing. I'm the Public Relations Director and acting Wild World Department Director, so I'm in charge of the people taking the orders, the people telling potential customers about our service, and the people that supply/deliver the Wild World orders. It's pretty sweet.

Entertainment-wise, all our regular shows are back on-air (House, Lie to Me, NCIS, Criminal Minds, CSI, Dollhouse, Monk, Psych), and we've added Bones to the viewing schedule. Still watching cartoons. Total Drama, Stoked and Ben 10: Alien Force are the ones we record to make sure we get to see them. I love me some Canadian animation. Our off-season shows are on hiatus, though, so no True Blood, Royal Pains or In Plain Sight. And no new United States of Tara until next year.
I've taken back up reading, forcing myself to make time for books. I finished Catch-22, and am working on House of Leaves. After those, I'll try to tackle Twilight again.

Date:	Saturday, 22nd August 2009 (@) 11:26am
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick

I'm sick. Went to bed day before yesterday with a sore throat and woke up with a sinus cold from hell. Today, everything is draining, so I'm nauseous. Ugh.

This sucks.

Date:	Tuesday, 18th August 2009 (@) 11:04am
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy

So, Middle Sister is going to have a baby. Her due date is February 28 at the moment, but it may change as the pregnancy goes on. No matter what, my little neice/nephew (we don't know yet) will be a Pisces. That fills me with glee.
We're doing a baby shower in November. We took a trip to Babies'R'Us and she showed us what she'd like. There's some cool stuff there. She's going to use cloth diapers while at home, or when there's a washing machine at hand. For trips, it'll be disposables. She wants a lot of gender-neutral stuff, and a diaper bag that doesn't look like a purse.

I'm really looking forward to being an auntie.

I'm gonna be an auntie!

Date:	Saturday, 11th July 2009 (@) 23:19pm
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

Okay, since getting a facebook account, I'm really lousy at updating anything else. I don't know why. Larger audience, maybe? Sorry, anyone who still relies on this journal to keep in contact with me.

Since Father's Day...went to Portland, saw a freakin' great concert. Christian Kane (Lindsey from Angel, Eliot from Leverage) and his band were performing at a bar across the street from Chinatown. He was hungover and the bar was half-full of fangirls, but it was fun. I had this pink thing that the tab listed as a Stoli raspberry. Whatever it was, it was good. We stayed at the beautiful Embassy Suites two blocks away. Came back home and have been playing Animal Crossing (Wild World and City Folk), waiting for the conclusion of Harper's Island. And what a conclusion it was. No spoilers, just saying that the curse was broken- my favourite character didn't die.

Next weekend is Summerstar, my annual camping trip, so this week will be the annual car cleaning frenzy. I need to get my rearview mirror reattatched, clean the small amount of trash from the backseat, check the fluid levels, download a copy of "All American Boy" and wash my car. Tuesday, we're planning the weekend meals, so I guess Monday will be the packing list day. Thursday, we load everything in the cars. Friday morning, we head out.

It seems like I'm super busy, but that's really only the summer months. Usually, I just sit around playing video games. After Summerstar, I'll be hitting jobsites again, and maybe this time someone will hire me. I'd like a steady part time job so I can help pay off my car.

I think my cat is gone for good. A bit of history here: I've had three cats. My first was a wonderful, irreplacable boy named Sterling. He was a beautiful silver tabby who joined our family when I was in sixth grade. He stayed with us through two moves before disappearing into the greenbelt behind our house...ten years later? My next boy was Kaneda, a brown tabby that vanished at least a year and a half ago. He was adorable, always sticking out his tongue. In between the boys, I got a girl. Her name was Jenneth. She was dark grey with light yellow splotching, almost tortoise-shell. She had wide yellow eyes and always looked scared. I haven't seen her since before we went to Portland.

I think she's not coming back.

Date:	Sunday, 21st June 2009 (@) 13:33pm
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Busy three weeks is over. I'm sleeping until next week, with bursts of consciousness for Sims 3. This coming weekend, I'm going to Portland for a concert instead of Tacoma for a concert. The Portland one is cheaper, still has tickets available, and won't be filled with screaming (pre)teenage girls.

Um, happy Father's Day to the Dad on my flist. I love you.

Date:	Saturday, 6th June 2009 (@) 21:53pm
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy

This will be a busy week: I've a dress to make, cakes to bake, marzipan cookies to mold and bake, and maybe even the lawn to mow. Saturday is the Sib's birthday party. About a week and a half ago, I mentioned that I wanted her to dress as Alice sometime. That set the whole thing in motion: plans were made, invitations were sent, decorations and fabric were bought. I have the apron 97% done, just need the pockets and buttons put on. On the test run for the dress (since I was enlarging the pattern and fitting for a specific person), I discovered where I needed to edit the pattern more and that I can make it in a little over a day. Everything is running according to schedule, so that makes me happy. If I can keep up the pace, the full costume will be done by Wednesday, and I can spend the rest of the week doing the cake and other bits in preparation.

Long story short, I'm a busy person until next Sunday.

There's something that's been bothering me for several months: socially acceptable idiocy. Example 1: the endless PC vs Mac debate. Last time I checked, Macs are Personal Computers. So guess what, all you Mac people- you're PCs, too. Example 2: PIN number. Doesn't PIN stand for Personal Identification Number? So, when people say PIN number...

I don't know...it bothers me a lot.

Date:	Monday, 4th May 2009 (@) 22:11pm
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	emo

I'm feeling kinda mood-swing-y. Normally, I'm an upbeat, chipper person. Randomly, for the past few months, I've been hitting terrible lows. I just want to cry all the time, and nothing makes me feel better.

Today, for example, was pretty good all around. Drove Mom to the radiologist's office so she could get an MRI done, then to her office so she could put in a few hours of work. Nothing bad happened. However, come 7pm, I'm feeling depressed and want to cry. Trying to figure it all out makes me feel worse, and I start questioning all of it. The big questions, y'know? What's it all about, why am I here, will I ever be productive, do I really have any talent? Or am I really just wasting my time (and everyone else's) with my crappy drawings?

I think I may hate talented people, just because things seem so much easier for them. I wish I could string together something coherently linear, but every comic idea I have goes nowhere. I just can't stay with something long enough to make it work.

Possibly the worst part is that I know what I want to draw, but can't (that's a physical can't) translate it onto the paper. So, instead, I draw Mary-Sues and sponge other artist's styles because I'm not original or dynamic enough in my own.

I hurt all the time. I cry for no reason. I can't even pin down what makes me feel happy. Not even video games make me happy right now. I just don't know anything anymore. I want the confusion to end. I'm tired of it, of everything.

I just wish that life were easy. Or at least, easier. As it is, I think the world will end before I'm a productive member of society.

Date:	Friday, 1st May 2009 (@) 10:08am
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

Happy Beltaine, everyone! Summer is officially here, officially.